The Most Clichéd Rent Fic Ever
by DestinysGlitter
Summary: A normally strange girl with some connection to Angel arrives in the city. Meanwhile, the bohemians plus Mark's gorgeous new girlfriend are living life as usual. It's a parody with a plot. HIATUS
1. Part 1

**This is something I really wanted to write and my best friend who is a total Renthead was all for it. It really needs no description.**

The Anachronism, the Sue, and the Plot Twist

"There's only us," Paul said, "There's only this. No day but today." Everyone smiled, though some were rather teary as they listened to the Life Support group's mantra. Mark Cohen packed up his camera. It was his old camera: the one he had bought at the pawn shop all those years ago- the one with the crank. It didn't work very well anymore, not that it ever had, but he kept it for sentimental reasons and made most of his films on it. Even though he was now sort of well-to-do from his moderately successful film "Poor Picture Quality" and could afford to buy a new camera and equipment, he didn't.

"I feel really good today," said his best friend Roger. It was a good thing to hear; the rocker hadn't felt good in a long time, not since the death of his girlfriend April, who had died of AIDS and suicide after becoming violently drunk. Then Roger had met Mimi, the girl who currently sat to his left stroking his long, curly locks. She was a young Latina who had contracted AIDS and who had worked as a stripper. But she had overcome her heroin addiction thanks to Roger's love and devotion and was now going to NYU on a dance scholarship. She looked forward to being a real dancer.

To Roger's right was a man. His name was Collins and he, too had AIDS. He was a big, strong man, but he hadn't been the same since he lost the wo/man of his dreams, Angel, to the same disease. Ever since, he had laughed on the outside, but everyone could see that he still hurt, especially on Halloween and Christmas.

Mark was filming the Life Support meetings. Even though he had finished his film about AIDS and homelessness, he still liked to do it. Everyone in the group was used to him by now and he did, after all, make the best coconut macaroons.

"Mark!" someone called. The filmmaker looked up to see a woman about his age run into the room. A huge smile appeared on his face. Collins, Mimi, and Roger saw the smile and laughed, but he didn't care.

"Toronto!" he exclaimed, standing to give his girlfriend a hug. And why wouldn't he want to hug her? Why wouldn't he want to hold her forever? She was slightly shorter than him with a thin frame. Her hair was sort of blonde, but a bit brown with reddish tints and it shone in the sunlight that flitted into the tall windows of the community center. She had skin like his, but unlike him, she had dark, nearly black eyes. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. She wouldn't let him hug her, but instead gestured wildly to her Verizon wireless phone with its cutesy puppy cover. Toronto was going to school to become an elementary school teacher but in her spare time she worked as a volunteer at the animal shelter and sometimes read to senior citizens who were going blind. Mark loved that about Toronto: she was so caring and loved animals. She even took care not to step on flowers, not even dandelions.

"I got the weirdest phone call!" she exclaimed. "It was for you," she said, motioning to Collins. "They couldn't reach you so they found my number. I guess it's because we all live together." She, Mark, Roger, Mimi, Collins, and Benny lived in a loft apartment on Avenue B in Alphabet City.

"I should get a cell phone," Roger mused.

"And call who?" Mimi asked playfully, caressing her lover's stubbly cheek. Roger frowned at her.

"I'd get a phone," Collins told them, "But the only one I could afford is one of those old-fashioned ones that are the size of a Kleenex box."

"I'm fine with my phone," said Mimi, "Even though you can't pick it up and take it places. It _does_, however, have the latest rotary dial technology." Roger and Collins nodded, but Collins wanted to know who was calling.

"Hello?" he said into the cell phone. He walked into the hallway of the center. A few minutes later, he ran back into the room, wheezing.

"I've told you to quit smoking marijuana," Toronto told him. He glared at her.

"Angel's gone!" he said breathily. Everyone stared at him.

"What?" Mark asked.

"I thought he was dead," Toronto said.

"Yeah, Tor," Collins said, "But… someone wanted a test to be done on the bones to see if Angel had been one of their relatives, but when they went to get the body, it wasn't in the coffin!" Collins bit his lip and fell into one of the folding chairs.

Everyone puzzled at this. Angel's body was missing? Why? Who had done this? Why?

"Maybe Angel has relatives she never met," Mimi said, trying to relieve some of the tension. She rubbed Collins's shoulder. Collins nodded.

"It was a young woman named Tabitha Dumott." The bohemians didn't care, though. They were still wondering what had happened to the body of their best friend.


	2. Part 2

Part 2: It's Not Real!:

The loft apartment was one big space that had been divided into a livng/kitchen area, a bathroom, and two bedrooms. This made it a bit difficult for six people to live there comfortably, but they divided each bedroom into two sections, so there was a room for the two couples and separate rooms for Benny and Collins.

Benny had come to live with his former roommates when his wife Alison had kicked him out when she found out about his affair with Mimi. He had been left with nothing, but his former friends had gladly welcomed him back because Benny is only dangerous with money. He had told them he felt really bad for what he had done and they had forgiven him. Now they were all a big, happy family-type group.

Toronto came skipping out of the room she shared with Mark singing the theme song to 'The Brady Bunch.' She was wearing black leggings that showed her white socks, black converse, a black skirt with white polka-dots, and a pink hoodie. When she noticed Collins sitting, sullen, on the couch, she walked over to him. He was staring out the dirty window.

"Gosh, we should clean more. I don't know why you all seem to like the industrial look. With six people, surely we can afford Windex." Collins said nothing. Toronto sat next to him on the ratty sofa. Toronto didn't really understand why they didn't just go to Ikea, but she didn't want to upset her new friends. After living on the street for two days after she had been evicted from her old apartment, she had met Mark at a local film festival. She told him she loved his work and they went to lunch at the Life Café. Toronto had never been there and she really liked dancing on the table. Now she and Mark went there every month for their monthly anniversaries.

"Are you okay, Collins?" she asked. He looked at her.

"I just can't believe someone would desecrate a grave like that, take the body, you know?" He was starting to choke up. "Angel never deserved that." Toronto rested her hands and chin on her friend's broad shoulders.

"It's awful what they did. I'm sorry." The teacher nodded solemnly and smiled at the blonde/brunette/redhead.

"Thanks, Tor." Someone yelled their names. "Could that be…?" Collins grinned and Toronto grinned back. They knew exactly who it was and they both raced to the window and onto the fire escape. Down below them was a moderately tall brunette grinning a toothy smile up at them. Her pale skin was offset by her cheap, crimson lipstick.

"Maureen!" They called. They waved and Collins threw his key down to her.

Maureen was a free-spirited actress who was slowly building a career. So far she was in very low- budget independent films and they were mostly Mark's, but she had a proper agent thanks to her life-partner and lawyer Joanne and was starting to get bigger roles. Last month she had been in a crowd scene for some movie kids would watch in health classes about drugs.

"You look great, Maureen!" Toronto was not uncomfortable with the fact that Maureen was Mark's ex. Toronto was Mark's girlfriend now and he no longer cared for Maureen in that way. The two women were even good friends.

"I don't feel so great," the actress complained. She plopped down into a chair and sighed with relief. "I'll be so glad when this baby is born." Collins and Toronto patted Maureen's stomach. It was very large now as she only had three months left in her pregnancy.

Joanne had always wanted children and she was not going to let the fact that she loved women stop her. So she had asked Maureen what she thought of getting a sperm donor. Maureen had been all for the idea… until she realized what Joanne was actually talking about. Then she had freaked out; Maureen wasn't the type for settling down. But she did love Joanne, even if she liked to flirt, and Joanne wanted commitment. So she sacrificed for the woman she loved. They had been married nearly eight months ago.

"Where's your better half?" laughed the likeable souse. Maureen smiled.

"She's-"

"Hey, you guys!" They heard the lovable, droll lawyer's voice. Toronto went to throw a key to her. Soon, Joanne arrived at the door to the loft. She was wheezing.

"How are you doing?" Toronto asked.

"You okay, baby?" Maureen kissed her lover's lips. Their tummies brushed together. "Not you," she laughed, patting Joanne's bulging stomach.

Joanne had wanted children but Maureen was against the idea. It was the cause of numerous fights. Later, during a particularly bad argument, Maureen had realized how much she loved Joanne and had decided to surprise her with a pregnancy. She had gone over the information for the donors that Joanne had pointed out and had chosen the one with qualities she knew her love would like in a child. Joanne would want someone… well… not like Maureen. The chosen donor was serious and studious, like Joanne.

Meanwhile, Joanne, miserable about the fight, had decided to get implanted to make Maureen consider staying with her. Without knowing it, the women had gone to the sperm bank on the same day and had chosen donors with the traits that reminded them of each other. Later on, they each put their plans in action and realized that they were both pregnant. Maureen did not dump Joanne and Joanne knew that Maureen actually loved her. Now they were both six months along.


	3. Part 3

**This is very short, but the whole thing (so far) was written as a single piece. It can be a parody of people who write really short chapters. Also, thanks to those who have reviewed.**

Benny's Sob Story:

Benjamin Coffin III often wondered about things. He wondered about his life. He wondered about his relationships. He wondered how his family's legacy was attached to nothing. He was Benjamin Coffin the Third, after all. What had his forefathers left him?

Pride. And perhaps greed, for Benjamin, or Benny, had a fondness for cash. He had been scheming for it since he was a mere tot, but he knew that his schemes had led him down dangerous paths and that he had hurt people.

Benny was not an uneducated man: he had a Bachelor's in business, but after his father died, he had to spend most of his time helping his ailing mother and he could not pursue his dreams of the next entrepreneurial gold mine. After she was put into a home at great cost, Benny was forced to find lodging with four other people. They had become his friends. He was especially close to Mark and Roger and the three dreamed of opening a place where Roger could write and produce music, Mark could make movies, and Benny could make money. But Roger had contracted AIDS and his girlfriend had killed herself. Then Mark had gotten really weird and had decided to start making unscripted, random movies, which resulted in Benny getting filmed in his underwear trying to eat his Cinnamon Life at 7 AM. Not to mention Maureen (because she was always insane) and Collins (because he was always cool in Benny's book). He had had to get out of there.

And just at that moment an angel had appeared. It was a spoiled, young socialite lost in the wrong part of the city, drunk after a costume party. Her name was Alison Gray, but Benny didn't care what her name was: she was money and a ticket to his dreams.

So he moved up to a deluxe apartment in the sky- the twenty-third story luxury suite of the Gracie Mews. His mother-in-law was a nightmare, his father-in-law was a ticket to big business, and his wife… well, he didn't like her much. She was pretty, but her voice could deafen dogs and speaking of that, she had an annoying, yappy Akita named Evita.

Life went from bad in a good way to incredibly horrible. Benny had found a way to make his, Mark's, and Roger's dream come true. So it involved kicking a bunch of homeless people off a vacant lot, but didn't he deserve what he had always wanted?

Sadly, his former friends didn't see it that way and they protested the building of Music, Movies, n' Money: it was a stupid name, they said. Then they had really protested when the name was changed to Cyber Arts and they found out that they were going to be evicted, too. Benny had given them what he felt was a fair chance: no protest by Maureen and they could stay in the building. But they were noble idiots (and Benny felt it was because he had laughed at Mark when he said Maureen dumped him for a woman).

After that, Benny had gotten back together with the girl he'd had a fling with. Only now, she was Roger's girlfriend and HIV-positive. Still, she made him feel happy, even though she didn't actually love him. The only good thing that happened in the past year was that the dumb dog dropped dead- literally. But Alison had found out about Mimi. It was the note:

_Benny, you're…not really nice and you're really not helping me forget Roger. Why are you even with me when we can't do it? Thanks for paying for my rehab. Love, Mimi. _

Needless to say, he had been kicked out of the house and was left with very little. Fortunately, his former friends were understanding souls. Benny knew what he had done wrong and he was determined to make the dream a reality without eviction notices.


	4. Parts 4 and 5

When We Have Writers/ Writer's/ Writers' Block:

Well, now that I've introduced all the main characters and lame plot devices… oops! There's that darned narrator's perspective! That's not supposed to be there.

_You wanna play: let's run away_

_We won't be back before it's New Year's Day_

_Take me ouooooooooot! Tonight. Meow!_

Everyone clapped. Roger put down his guitar and Mimi gave a small bow and wiped her forehead.

"That was great, Mimi," said Toronto.

"You joining in on the dancing wasn't too shabby. Maybe you could try out for the program at NYU." Everyone else nodded. Toronto blushed. She had had no idea she could dance so well. Of course, there were those times at all the school dances and then that time when a man had seen her dancing at a concert and told her she should become a professional, but her friends' compliments were so wonderful! Joanne frowned.

"That song was entirely inappropriate for the babies."

"Do you think they can hear in there?" Collins asked, peering at Joanne's maternity blouse as if he could see the fetus dancing along with incredible x-ray vision.

"I think they can!" Maureen piped in, "And they're never too young too appreciate that the world is not a land of prudes." She glared at Joanne, who rolled her eyes.

"She's upset because I told her belly shirts are inappropriate for pregnant women."

"You need to embrace the female form. You had no trouble with that before we were pregnant." Everyone giggled, spit out their drinks, or smirked into their hands. Mark leaned over to Toronto and whispered in her ear.

"Watch us get a mini- Joanne and a mini- Maureen." Toronto smiled at the thought, though it was terrifying to imagine the sibling rivalry.

The topic of conversation turned to more serious themes.

Collins was still upset about the desecration of his beloved's grave. He was past the sad stage and onto the murder stage. Either that or he'd been drinking more heavily than usual.

The Dramatic OC who is Really Another Sue:

Every female on 7th Heaven was pregnant with twins… except for the dog… she was having sextuplets. But that had nothing to do with Tabitha Dumott.

She was a tall girl- thin, but not anorexic. She had long black hair, to the back of her knees, and the front strands brushed her brow and cheeks, nearly masking her pale face. People on the street were surprised that she wasn't wearing black, but she was not. Her skirt was long and blue and she wore a grey, wool sweater with a matching scarf.

"Back demon!" A priest had shoved a cross in her face. It happened all the time. She waved it off and continued down the street.

"I hate my life," she said to herself. Suddenly, in the doorway to her left, a decrepit old woman appeared.

"An angel watches over you," she hissed. Tabitha looked at the crone and gave a polite smile.

"And as a reward for your passing on this knowledge, I'm sure the demons won't eat you." The old woman glanced behind her, horrified, saw nothing, and stared angrily at the gothic teenager.

"I am serious, Tabitha, an angel watches over you. Do not shun him; you'll make her angry." The old woman grabbed a sack and ran down the street before Tabitha could question her.

"So… my angel is asexual. Okay then, crazy woman." Tabitha continued down the street, moping about how her life had gone horribly wrong. Oh great, time to describe the OC's life story.

Tabitha Dumott had lived in the suburbs of New York City for as long as she could remember. Her family was not rich, but they were not poor either. Her life had been comfortable, but she had always felt like she didn't belong. All of the pop tarts at school shunned her and to rebel against the parents that had done nothing except encourage her, she had begun to slash her wrists and write poetry about the darkness that encroached upon her innocent heart and the fleeting dreams of childhood. She started to wear black and hang out with kids named Bloodious X. Vive and Nosferatta- people who understood the darkness that was a suburban high school and trigonometry homework. Tabitha knew that she had to leave that hell and live where people of her sort thrived, but most of all she longed for family- family that was like her.

"I sold my soul for a jelly bean (black of course) and then I choked to death," Tabitha sang softly before coming to a stop on a park bench.

She had looked up relatives on her father's side of the family because her father never talked about his parents and Tabitha didn't know if she had any aunts or uncles or cousins. It turned out that there was a much younger sister named Marie. She had abandoned her life as an upper middle class girl and had moved to the city and had married a Puerto-Rican/ French mechanic named Jacques-Jose Schunard. They had died from cancer but they had a son named Angel Dumott-Shcunard. Tabitha had been excited to meet her cousin and she had saved up her money to go to New York City after graduation. When she looked Angel up, however, Tabitha discovered that he had died six months earlier. Broken-hearted, she asked if a DNA test could be performed on the body to see if they were related. When the body was to be exhumed, it wasn't in its coffin.

Now Tabitha had nowhere to go and no family. College seemed so empty: her roommate and all of the others had pictures of family and friends all over their walls and went out partying all night. So what if Tabitha had better grades? She wanted people who understood her: she wanted Ang- Angel! Perhaps that crazy woman was right! What if Angel was her guardian angel? Excitedly, Tabitha stood up. She had never been very religious, but old people with strange prophecies must always be believed in stories. She decided to try what Inigo Montoya had done in _The Princess Bride: _she would ask Angel to guide her to where she was supposed to go. She prayed silently and allowed her feet to move her. When she felt it was right to stop, she looked up at the building to which Angel had guided her.

"The Cat Scratch Club?" On the sign in primary-colored letters were silhouettes of busty women in sexual poses. She wondered why her destiny was a strip club then chastised herself for believing in the nonsense of angels. Still, she needed money. She walked into the building and started to tear up at the smell of liquor and tobacco that wafted through the air to her nostrils. All around her, men were sitting- cheering and gawking at the catwalk where women in skimpy clothes gyrated and sang. Men shoved dollar bills into their thongs. A woman was tied to a pole a la ingénue-on-the-train tracks. Men hooted at her.

"You!" shouted a man. Tabitha looked up. A portly man with greasy hair was pointing at her. "You looking for work?" Tabitha nodded, scared. He beckoned her to follow him and she walked over slowly, wary of eyes following her, despite her wearing much more clothing than the writhing dancers.

"Here," he said gruffly when they reached an office of sorts. The walls were covered with posters of naked women and the windows were cracked. There was also an unpleasant smell. "I'm Joe, the boss. You'll work three hours in the evenings, then. What's your cup size?"

"I'm a C." Joe nodded, staring at Tabitha's chest.

"What's your name?"

"Tabitha." Joe shook his head and handed her a black bikini thing.

"It's too dark. Your name will be Bubbles." Tabitha wanted to tell him that it went against her beliefs and standards as a human being to be named Bubbles, but she didn't see any use in arguing. "Put that on in the dressing room down the hall. You're on in half an hour. Bunny will tell you what to do." Tabitha blinked, stood up, and walked down the hall to the dressing room. It smelled bad in there, too, but it was because it reeked of cheap perfume and hair spray.

"New girl?" someone asked. Tabitha looked and saw a thin, voluptuous woman who in no way matched her voice. She sounded as if she had been smoking for twenty years but looked about twenty. "Well?"

"Oh… yes. I'm Tabitha."

"I'm Bunny. And Tabitha's no good here. You must be the new Bubbles. The old one got pregnant… no wait- that was the old Candi. The old Bubbles OD'd on sleeping pills." Tabitha just stared. "Well, put the outfit on." Bunny stood right in front of Tabitha, waiting for her to change. "If you can't strip in front of me you have no career here, kid."

"Where are all the friendly, down-on-their luck strippers who are supporting children as single mothers?"

"That's Buffy, Bonnie, and Brittany. They aren't working tonight. We're the drug addict strippers." Tabitha changed into her costume. It was a bra with black fringe hanging from the underwire, black fishnets, a black pair of hot pants that exposed her butt cheeks, and spike heeled shoes.

"You've got the goods," Bunny said, talking about Tabitha's naughty parts, i.e. her boobies for children who really should not be reading this. "Let's get some makeup on you." A few minutes later, Tabitha was dolled up like a hooker.

"Now about your routine. You'll be grinding on the pole on the left side of the stage facing the audience- the one Giggles is tied to right now, but they'll move her. I'm on the other side. We'll do our thing for a while and then the Feline will make her entrance.

"The Feline?"

"The best dancer here: Mimi, The Feline of Avenue B."


	5. Part 6

Wow, that Last Part was Pretty Dark for a Spoof:

Tabitha sent silent prayers to Angel though by the end of her first hour they had become insults.

"You couldn't have pointed me toward a 24-hour liquor store?" she chastised him silently. A man below Tabitha reached up with a ten dollar bill in his hand. Tabitha winced inwardly, thinking that this would be her weekly lunch money. She stuck her hip towards him and he put the bill in her shorts. His hands went a little too far for her comfort. Suddenly, the man's glass of brandy exploded, sending the alcohol into his face and onto the faces of the other men near him. He squealed like a little girl.

Tabitha frowned and turned away from them, continuing her erotic dance and trying her best to follow Bunny on the other side of the stage. The glass… it had been her doing (Tabitha's, not Bunny's. Follow my bad writing please). She hadn't meant to do that, but she must have, subconsciously. Tabitha was a witch.

The lights dimmed and the crowd started to cheer raucously. Tabitha almost forgot what she was doing because she was transfixed by a bright spotlight that had appeared on the upper level of the stage. In it was a very thin and pretty girl. _It must be Mimi, the Feline of Avenue B, _Tabitha thought. Even though she didn't think much of women who displayed themselves for money, there was something winning about Mimi.

The only song Mimi ever sang at the club began.

_What's the time?_

_Well it's gotta be close to midnight_

_My body's talkin' to me,_

_Says it's time for danger._

_Says I wanna commit a crime._

_Wanna be the cause of a fight._

_Wanna put on a tight skirt, and flirt!_

_With a stranger._

_I've had a knack from way back_

_Of breakin' the rules once I learn the game._

_Get up! Life's too quick! I know someplace sick_

_Where this chick'll dance in the flames._

_We don't need any money._

_I always get in for free._

_You can get in, too_

_If you get in with meeeeeeeee._

_Let's go ow-ooooooooooooooooot tonight…_

The song went on, but copy/pasting lyrics is dumb. Bunny had been right: Mimi _was _and excellent dancer. She also had a lot of enthusiasm. All of the men looked at her even though there were about five other girls on stage. Mimi was young, thin, coquettish, and most of all, sexy. Tabitha couldn't help but be fascinated.

After the show, the dancers were gathered in the dressing room.

"You were great tonight," one of the girls (Tabitha thought it was Bambi or Barbie or something) said to Mimi. Tabitha changed into normal clothes and listened to the conversation. Mimi shrugged.

"I'm probably happy because soon I'll be out of this craphole and onto a real dance career."

"You're lucky," Kitty said sadly, "I could never get into NYU." Mimi smiled, but looked away. The other girls left and it was only her and Tabitha in the room.

"Are you new?" Mimi asked. Tabitha nodded, but realized they could only see each other partially through their mirrors. She turned around in her chair. Mimi did the same. A strange expression came over her face.

"What?" Tabitha asked. Mimi continued to stare.

"You look just like…"

"Who?"

"Never mind." There was an awkward silence. Tabitha realized something.

"Do you really go to NYU?" Mimi nodded.

"For dance."

"I go there, too. I'm an English and art major. I just got a job here to help pay for things."

"Isn't there an on-campus job you could get? Anything's gotta be better than this place." Tabitha shook her head.

"All of the positions were filled."

"I'm really sorry, then. I remember when I started here. I lied about my age. I was sixteen." Tabitha's eyes widened. At sixteen, she had just joined her school's dismal poetry club (it was unofficial, made up of three people: herself, Bloodius, and Nosferatta). She couldn't imagine being a stripper at that age.

"Where'd you learn to dance?" Mimi asked her. Tabitha frowned.

"Um… I'm not really trained." This wasn't quite a lie. She hadn't ever taken a lesson. But her powers allowed her to gain skills rather quickly, and she had gained her dance ability (though a bit limited) the minute she stepped onto the Cat Scratch Stage.

"You're a natural then." Mimi gave her a huge smile. "You should come to the Life Café sometime. A bunch of us go there often." She picked up her purse and left, humming the song.


	6. Parts 7 and 8

Everyone is Introduced to Everyone and Surprisingly, They Don't Kill Each Other:

The Life Café was a small, but bustling little restaurant. It was fairly late in the evening, and there were strings of lights hung in the windows. Tabitha could tell that something exciting was going on as she approached: she could hear the music and happy laughter. For a moment she felt like she could not enter, but Mimi had invited her and there was something about Mimi that made Tabitha move to the door.

This was a few days after the meeting at the Cat Scratch Club- a long enough time so that Mimi didn't think she was desperate and a short enough time so that she didn't seem unsociable.

It was very bright and appealing inside the eatery. The walls were covered with covers of "Life" magazines and various lamps hung from the ceiling. The specials were written on a chalk board, along with the word "Fight AIDS." Tabitha noticed that the restaurant was vegetarian, which suited her perfectly. If Mimi was a vegetarian who went to NYU, they could become good friends. She hoped so. She felt so lonely in New York and she hadn't really ever had real friends. Bloodius and Nosferatta were… nice, but they were too superficial for her. Bloodius claimed to be a morose vampire, but his real name was Shane and his parents were a lawyer and a domestic engineer. He had nothing to complain about and Tabitha suspected he was a goth because Brittany Jones, the most popular cheerleader in school, had rejected him in ninth grade. Nosferatta was a total poser: trying to scare her parents. She liked Madonna's music.

Tabitha stood in the entryway for what seemed like hours, looking around for Mimi. She saw her at the center of the room at a very long table, or what seemed to be a bunch of tables put together. She was at the center of a crowd of friends, watching a slim but attractive and shaggy man playing a guitar. Mimi's eyes simply glowed when she looked at him. Tabitha had no way of attracting her attention. When the guitar player put his guitar down, Tabitha saw a blonde or a brunette or maybe a redhead looking at her.

"Who's that mysterious yet beautiful girl in the doorway?" she asked. Tabitha froze. A man who looked like he was auditioning for Grease though he was much too old said,

"Why, that's my girlfriend Maria Susetta… wait, no it's not. Sorry." He sat down awkwardly. Everyone else gaped at the tall, thin gothy girl. Mimi recognized her.

"You!" she called. She waved Tabitha over. Tabitha walked slowly and shyly, incredibly outside of her character. There was something intimidating about Mimi and her friends.

"Guys," Mimi said, addressing them, "This is the new Bubbles at the Cat Scratch Club."

"I miss old Bubbles." A bald black man moped in his seat.

"She got pregnant," said the blonde/brunette/redhead.

"No, that was the old Candi. Bubbles gained too much weight." This came from a very pregnant woman with long brown hair.

"How would you know that?" asked another pregnant woman sitting next to her. The first pregnant woman shrugged and the second got a furious look in her eyes.

"Who cares?" Mimi asked loudly, gaining their attention, "This is the new Bubbles."

"My name is actually Tabitha," Tabitha said pointedly. Everyone greeted her in a friendly way except for a large black man in a knit cap who sat in a corner. Tabitha looked at him; he seemed familiar somehow.

"Oh my gosh, like Samantha's daughter on Bewitched?!" The blonde/brunette/redhead bounced up and down in her seat. A blonde man with glasses looked at her, admiring her endearing qualities. Or maybe her rear qualities. Tabitha was introduced to the group. There was Mark, the blonde with glasses. He was a Jewish filmmaker who had recently gained some fame for his films. The excited multi-colored hair girl was his girlfriend Toronto. She was very bubbly and was wearing loose-fitting jeans that hugged her hips at the waist. She wore a white hoodie that had been cut off at the bottom, leaving long strings dangling over her midriff. Her hair was in two plaits and she had turtle earrings. Tabitha almost moved on to the man who had come to sit next to Mimi, but then she noticed Tabitha's cute sneakers. One was green and the other was blue. The laces were gift wrap ribbons. She started to notice the man next to her and his long, curly, sumptuous hair, but she noticed that Toronto had shining and exuberant onyx orbs.

Now she could move onto the next person. It turned out to be Mimi's boyfriend Roger. He was the one with the pretty hair. He was very thin, but not as thin as Mimi, and he was muscular but looked sensitive. Tabitha could tell just by looking at him and Mimi that they were soul mates. Then came the two pregnant women. It turned out that they were lovers: Maureen, a bi-sexual flamboyant actress and Joanne, a tight-laced lesbian lawyer.

"I'm a flamboyant, bi-sexual actress," Maureen had said.

"And I'm a tight-laced lesbian lawyer," Joanne said. The two kissed and patted each other's bulging bellies. Tabitha thought it was sweet.

The sullen man clutching a beer tightly was Collins. Not much was explained about him other than that he was a philosophy professor who was ever out of work because of his radical beliefs. Tabitha wondered how radical they were. She didn't know why, but she felt a kinship with him. There was also Gary, Mary-Anne, Leslie, Brian, Joe, Sanity, Nori, Dunsten, and Rona, but they weren't important because they were extras from the La Vie Boheme scene. Oh, and there was Benny. I added this sentence later.

Tabitha was offered a seat across from the main group, next to unimportant Gary.

"So you're a Cat Scratch dancer?" Mark asked. Toronto punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"I may be the best girlfriend ever, but I'm not that lenient!" She said playfully. Everyone whooped.

"What brings you here?" Maureen asked. Tabitha noticed that Maureen was analyzing her, in a sexual way. Joanne noticed this, too.

"Um… I go to NYU. I'm an English major."

"Yeah! English majors!!" cheered Dunsten. Mimi scowled, but seemed amused.

"Someone take away Dunsten's glass," she said. Roger kissed her temple and she giggled, running her fingers through his impeccably messy tangle of hair.

By the end of the night, Tabitha was feeling more joyful than she ever had in her life.

In Which Collins will Notice Something:

Collins noticed something. He had been sitting apart from the others, watching them chat happily with Mimi's new "colleague." He had tried going over some of his radical ideas, but the one he kept coming back to was that somehow, his beloved  
Angel would come back to him. But it was impossible, so all he had was his beloved alcohol. He worried that he was developing a serious problem.

As the night went on, the dark girl smiled more and more, and that was when he had noticed what he had noticed. The girl _was_ Angel, or if Angel had been a woman. A real woman. The hair was longer, and there were breasts, but she was tall and had the same skin tone and eye color. The corners of her mouth even turned up in the same way and when the girl had looked at him for that brief and precious moment, he had sworn Angel looked at him through her. He tried to get her to look at him again, but the girl spent ages analyzing Toronto's clothing. Then everyone else stole her attention with inane chatter.

Tabitha… Tabitha! Hadn't that been the name of the person who had been seeking a DNA test from Angel? This could not be a coincidence! He sat up straighter and tried to participate in the group discussion, but no one paid attention to him. He felt rejected and angry. He swore that he would try to talk to the girl alone.

His chance was when people got up to use the restrooms or go make out somewhere. Damn their hormones. Yet… had it really been so long ago when he had embraced Angel with the same fervor in some corner?

Tabitha was looking at the magazine covers on the wall. He walked up to her.

"Tabitha Dumott?" She looked at him, shocked.

"Yes… how did you know my name…? Collins?" He nodded.

"I don't want to bother you. Wait, heck yes I do! Did you seek out someone named Angel for a DNA test?" Tabitha's mouth dropped open. She nodded dumbly. Collins's heartbeat was racing and he set down his glass. "And you know the body was gone?" Tabitha nodded again.

"I was really upset. I thought that I had found some family. But he was dead." Collins hadn't heard Angel referred to as a man for some time. It was jarring. So are my sentences.

"Tabitha, this might sound really strange, but all of us… we were Angel's friends. I was her… his boyfriend." He choked on the last few words. Tabitha gasped.

Now I'm Switching to Tabitha's POV:

She gasped. She knew it. She _knew_ it. That was the reason she had been so inexplicably drawn to Mimi. It wasn't because she was a lesbian like I'm sure you were all thinking- it was because Mimi had a connection to Angel. That was why Angel had guided her to the Cat Scratch. And that was why she had felt drawn to Collins.

"You were his boyfriend?" She imagined Angel as best she could standing next to the tall, broad-shouldered man. She had not known that her cousin had been gay, but it was a nice picture in her head.

"You look just like her," Collins whispered. Tabitha stared at him.

"Why do you keep calling him a "her"?" Collins laughed. His friends looked over from wherever they were, shocked. Collins had laughed!

"Angel was a drag queen. We all called him a she. She was beautiful, just like you. You could have been brother and sister. Twins even, but you're younger." Tabitha could see it now, except for the drag clothes. Angel had been special and she had never met him. She had missed out on something wonderful, she was sure of it. Collins smiled, but it was a sad smile. He called to everyone else.

"Everyone! Tabitha is Angel's cousin!" Everyone emerged from their hidey-holes and rushed over to the two of them. The people who had just eagerly accepted Tabitha now accepted her ten times more.


	7. Part 9

The Part After the Introduction that's Hard to Write:

Tabitha turned over uncomfortably on the sofa. Her roommate, Ashley, had forced her to sleep in the lounge because she was busy with a boy. Tabitha groaned. She really needed to do something to get back at that bitchy slut, but she believed in using her powers for good. How on Earth had she gotten assigned to live with such a person?

On top of this, Joe had kept her at the Cat Scratch Club late and she hadn't been able to do any of her homework. She'd have to do it between classes the next day.

Tabitha began to cry.

Somewhere across the city, Toronto was crying, too. Sues have to cry for no reason. Mark heard his girlfriend crying and turned over in bed to look at her. Sure enough, crystal tears dripped down her angelic face and onto her white satin negligee.

"What's wrong, Tor?" the filmmaker asked, putting his arms around the petite woman.

"I- I just have this feeling that Tabitha is more popular than me!"

0-0-0-0-0

Bright light was coming in from the large windows in the lounge. Tabitha moaned and peeked at the clock. It was only 6 AM. She didn't have class until ten. Yawning, she stretched and pulled off the blanket she had been using. Her back ached very badly and she made her way to her room to get her bath things. She wondered if Ashley and that guy were gone yet, but she doubted it. If Ashley caught Tabitha in the room before he was gone, she'd have a fit, but Tabitha was sick of listening to the bitchy whore.

When she arrived at her room, she opened the door and peeked inside. There, sprawled out on Ashley's single bed, was Ashley and some… girl? Tabitha's mouth hung open for a few seconds before she remembered that she didn't have problems with homosexuality. Then she remembered that Ashley was still a bitch even if she did like girls. Besides, a wicked idea had just entered her mind. The two were still asleep. That left enough time to do some… tampering.

A grin was now firmly set upon Tabitha's face. The other girl seemed to still be wearing some clothes, but Ashley was completely naked. Tabitha picked up her discarded things with disgust and walked down to the trash chute, where she dumped her roommate's clothes with glee. She felt justified: she had been forced to sleep on the sofa for twelve of the fifteen days she had been at school. Tabitha returned to the room and quietly took all of the clothing out of Ashley's dresser and closet. These she did not feel like tossing, so she put them in her closet (in a huge pile) and locked the closet door. If she only went back to the lounge and pretended to be asleep-

A scream came from behind her. She turned to see Ashley sitting up straight in bed, body uncovered, screaming her lungs out at the strange girl in her bed. Tabitha stared.

It wasn't a girl.

"Who are you?" screeched Ashley, "I didn't sleep with you!"

"I sure didn't sleep with you." The man in Ashley's bed wrinkled his nose with disgust. He climbed out from the sheets, fully clothed in… drag.

"Angel?" The strange man and Ashley both looked at Tabitha, who was standing in the doorway with a blanket swinging from her fingers. The man nodded.

"Yup." Ashley jumped out of bed, realized she was naked, and pulled the sheet around her.

"Is this a sick prank?" she screeched. "Where's Dillan?" The three of them heard a high-pitched squeal from outside. When they looked out the window, they saw a little freshman girl pointing at a naked man and screaming. The naked man had no idea what was going on.

"Dillan?" asked Angel. Tabitha stared at the person who had just claimed to be her cousin.

"You're dead," she whispered.

"Exactly!" roared her roommate. Angel turned to look at the nudie.

"Hmm… tsk tsk tsk. That hair color is _not_ working for you. And I don't mean the hair on your head." Ashley gritted her teeth.

"Will you freaks get out of here so I can change?" Angel and Tabitha left the room. Tabitha heard Ashley's frightened and angry shouts. She must have found that all her clothes were gone.

"I hope she changes her attitude."

"But what were you doing in her bed?" Angel shrugged.

"I don't know; I just woke up there."

"But… you're dead." Angel smiled.

"I know that, too, and man was Heaven nice. None of the people who told me I was going to Hell were there." Tabitha just stared. She walked into a pole in the lobby. Angel guided her to a chair.

"I don't understand." Angel gave her another smile.

"I've been watching you, Tabitha. I was assigned to be your guardian angel. Sheesh, I even got Joan to tell you, but I should have known better. No one ever believes Joan. To answer your questions as well as the questions of the confused readers, you're a witch." Tabitha rolled her eyes.

"I know _that. _Wait… are you saying I had something to do with this?"

"Of course. You being a witch is a dumb plot device. It's also the reason I'm wearing the clothes I was wearing in the movie… er… last year." Tabitha couldn't understand this. She had resurrected someone? That was impossible!

"It's not impossible, Tabitha."

"You can read minds now?" Angel laughed.

"No. I'm really good at interpreting body language." Tabitha nodded, but she was still trying to figure out how she had accomplished a resurrection. Only God or whatever deity you believed in had that power.

"Tabitha, you shared a deep emotional moment of longing with another person who was close to me. That brought me back."

"Collins!" Angel's smile grew very wide.

"Collins." Angel walked outside, motioning for Tabitha to follow.

"Are we going _now?" _

"Yes."

"Can I ask one more thing?"

"If your body has been missing for three months, where were you?"

"In the Bahamas getting a tan. I was all corpsey and pale."


	8. Parts 10 and 11

Clears Throat: The Shocking Revelation:

Angel and Tabitha had no idea how to reveal to Angel's friends that she was alive. It seemed horribly unfair to just walk in and startle everybody. The two of them thought of the worst TV shows (especially soap operas) that they had ever seen that had dealt with this problem. Angel recalled an episode of her favorite soap "Ages and Destinies" in which a woman showed up in the town bearing a striking resemblance to a deceased and very well-loved character. She had claimed to be the woman's cousin, but a DNA test later revealed that she actually _was_ the woman but had gotten a bad case of amnesia. After Tabitha playfully beat her head against the side of a building, they happened upon a store selling very tacky clothing. They decided it was as good a time as any for a shopping spree.

It was as if Angel owned the store the way she expertly found the best stuff and tried it on. Soon she was sporting a plaid miniskirt, black tights, and some kind of purple duster. Tabitha had never seen a drag queen look better. This was her cousin! Her… dead cousin.

"Tabitha, you would look _great_ in this!" Tabitha walked over to where Angel was standing and paled.

"No." she whispered. Angel was holding a pink minidress. Her face fell.

"But… it's so cute!" Tabitha shook her head. Angel picked up a different garment from the rack. It was the same dress, only it was a rich, deep shade of purple. Tabitha's eyes widened. It was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen… well, not really, but it was still pretty cool.

"We look like cheap hookers," Tabitha told her cousin as they left the shop wearing the clothes they had bought.

"But we look so good," Angel replied. He- she- grabbed Tabitha around the waist and began to walk faster toward their goal, eager to see the looks on her friends' and her boyfriend's faces.

0-0-0-0-0

Tabitha gazed up at the red-brown brick building. It was three stories tall with wide windows and a rusty-looking fire escape winding its way past each. She was reminded of the balcony scene in West Side Story, only this place was much grungier.

"That's where they live?" she asked Angel. The drag queen nodded.

"I bet you anything Collins moved back in with them!" She paled for a moment. "I can't just ask them to throw down the key! You do it! I'll hide!" Angel ran to hide in the alley and Tabitha, rolling her eyes, cleared her throat and called,

"Hey! Are you guys up there? It's Tabitha!" The faces of Mark, Toronto, Roger, Mimi, Benny, Collins, Maureen, and Joanne appeared in the windows of the top floor. _Great, _Tabitha thought, _they're _all _there. _

"Tab?" Mimi asked, using Tabitha's new nickname, "What are you doing here at eight in the morning?" Maureen looked at Joanne.

"What are _we_ doing here at eight in the morning?" Joanne shrugged. Tabitha bit her lip. She couldn't just tell them that Angel was alive again. It just wouldn't work. Angel's entrance had to be dramatic, and there should be a dance number.

"I have to talk to you guys about something!" she yelled.

"Can you do it in private?" hollered someone from the building next door.

"Yeah, really!" a bunch of other neighbors chimed in. Toronto ran to get one of the keys from the giant bowl of keys they had made and tossed it down to Tabitha, who caught it with ease. Tabitha waited until the occupants of the loft moved away from the windows and beckoned Angel to follow her. The two of them snuck into the building and up the stairs. Angel had a hard time keeping from shouting with joy and was practically skipping up the last flight, but she, too knew the importance of making a good entrance.

"You go in and I'll wait in the hall," Angel told her female doppelganger.

"But what-"

"Ssh- ssh! I have an idea!" Angel's voice died down to an excited whisper and she took her position behind the door. Tabitha knocked. Toronto came over and opened the door. Immediately, she seized Tabitha in her arms and squeezed the air out of her lungs. It seemed like a friendly hug, but Tabitha could tell that Toronto was just trying to get on her good side to make sure she wouldn't take her place in the group. Witches just know things like that.

Tabitha was generally welcomed into the loft, which was shabby in a stylish way. It was so unlike her repressive home and she couldn't help but smile.

Joanne and Maureen were settled with their round bellies on the sofa. Mimi, Roger, and Benny were eating a late breakfast at the table, and Mark was filming everything. Toronto was wearing… the same dress as Tabitha… only it was the pink one. Everyone blinked for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. The last thing Tabitha wanted was to be dressed like Toronto. To be honest, the girl was slightly annoying, perhaps minus the 'slightly' part. She was nice enough, but it was kind of disgusting how everyone doted on her and never got mad at her.

_Just think of the shoes. You're not wearing pink converse. Thank whichever god you believe in for that. _

"Want some toast?" Roger asked, wiping the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. Mimi chuckled and reached over to smooth his unruly hair.

"What did you want to talk about?" Joanne asked from the sofa. Tabitha bit her lip again. She had been doing that so much that she now tasted metallic, crimson blood. What could she say? Then there was a knock on the door. Tabitha froze. That was Angel's great plan? But then she thought about it: it was so simple! It was so simple that it was brilliant and not an author cop-out.

"That must be Mrs. Dunbar from downstairs telling us not to be so loud and sinful again," Mark muttered, "It could be good for my next film."

"Which film is this and why am I not in it?" Maureen asked him.

"It's going to be great: People at Doors!"

"It'll be brilliant, sweetie," said Toronto, still eyeing Tabitha. The knocking grew louder. Toronto, since she was closest, opened the door. Tabitha drew in a breath.

"You're not Mrs. Dunbar. I hope. Um… guys, there's a man in a skirt at the door!" Everyone looked up and those who had been holding something dropped it, except Mark because he was holding an expensive camera and that's just a stupid thing to drop. Angel, looking quite splendid, walked gracefully into the room and smiled at everyone. There was nothing left to drop.

"A-A-A-Angel?" Mimi stammered. She looked closely at the person who had just entered the apartment and then let out an excited squeal and hugged the person who had been one of her closest friends. Everyone else was suspicious.

"Mimi, Angel is dead," Mark said. Angel looked up at the filmmaker.

"Not anymore. By the way, that movie you made? I so did _not_ tell you to use such spastic editing." Mark's mouth dropped open, but Tabitha could tell that he was still suspicious of Angel.

Collins walked into the room. It hadn't been written that he'd left. When he saw Angel, the bottle of whiskey he'd been holding fell to the floor.

"Keep it down up there!" screeched someone from downstairs. There was a great, long silence and there were many nervous and excited glances. Finally, Collins spoke softly,

"Angel?" Angel grinned and nodded. It was all Collins needed. He ran to his lover, wrapped her in a tight embrace and gave her one of the most passionate kisses Tabitha had ever witnessed. Everyone clapped and cheered.

The Part that is Logically After the Startling Revelation:

When Collins and Angel finally parted, they gazed into each other's eyes. This mood was interrupted.

"This makes no sense!" Benny said loudly, breaking the awed silence, "The dead can't come back to life." Angel scowled.

"Oh. _You're _here."

"It's okay, Angel," Collins whispered, stroking her cheek, "Benny is good now." Angel rolled her eyes.

"I suppose next you'll tell me that Maureen and Joanne are having a baby."

"Um…" Angel gasped and looked around until she spotted the lesbian lovers sitting on the couch, both obviously pregnant.

"Wow. You're dead but a year and then this."

"So you _were _dead!" Everyone threw things at Benny. Tabitha was confused.

"I thought you could see all of this." Angel shook her head.

"No. I was _your_ guardian angel. I only appeared to Mark because he was having trouble with his movie and he asked for me." Collins looked hurt.

"I asked for you so many times." His eyes watered. Angel smiled and brushed the tears away.

"I know, baby, I could feel it. But Tabitha was assigned to me and she was going through such awful things. She had more… power."

"I still think you should prove that you're Angel," Benny said darkly. Everyone told him to shut up.

"Fine," Angel said, clearing her throat, "When Evita fell out of the window, I heard laughter that sounded a lot like yours coming from upstairs." Benny scoffed.

"Everyone knows I hated that dog."

"Mark has a recurring dream where penguins are hunting him." Mark's jaw dropped open again, this time out of rage that Angel had told everyone the secret with which he had entrusted her. Toronto looked at her boyfriend.

"Is that why you wake up muttering 'No, I won't die this way!'?" she asked. Angel looked at the blonde/brunette/redhead.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Mark's girlfriend." Angel looked the petite woman up and down as she had with Ashley.

"Well, okay then. Let's see… Mimi." All eyes turned to the Latina dancer, who looked really nervous. She was shaking her head like a madwoman, which only made everyone want to hear which secret Angel would reveal. "Mimi, you told me that Roger only satisfies you in bed about forty percent of the time." Roger dropped the toast he had begun to nibble and stared, aghast, from Mimi to Angel and to Mimi and then again to Angel and back to Mimi. Everyone else made that audience in a talk show sound. Then people began to fall over laughing, except for Mimi, who was mortified and unable to look at Roger, whose face was a bright red color. Angel wasn't half done.

"Roger… you've been embarrassed enough. Eat your toast now. Maureen…" Maureen smirked. There was nothing Angel could possibly say that would make her embarrassed. "You actually really love Joanne. Remember that white wedding veil fantasy you told me about? Of course, you still flirt with everything that moves, but it's still a lovely picture." No one heard this last sentence because they were too interested in watching Maureen's face blanch while Joanne's lit up.

"Um… um…" the actress stumbled, "Tabitha's butt is hot in that dress?" Joanne smirked and laid her hands on either side of her partner's face.

"Nice try." She kissed her. Angel sighed and put her arm around Collins's shoulders.

"Is that sufficient evidence?" Everyone nodded. "Good." They all sat down to some toast.

There was a wonderful sense of peace in the loft that day. Collins was happy again and just having Angel there made everything better somehow. Tabitha had friends and didn't feel so alone. It was more wonderful than any life she had imagined for herself (even though those had always involved some kind of fantastic death). Joanne and Maureen weren't fighting. Mark actually put down his camera. Benny was even more sociable. The only people who weren't too happy were Roger, Mimi, and Toronto, but the last two weren't that upset. Mimi had been really close to Angel and was ecstatic to have her back. Toronto had always wanted to meet the person of whom all of her friends had spoken so highly. Roger was still in shock about Angel's revelation, and he pretty much sat there without moving for the next few hours, but other than that all was well.


	9. Part 12 A Sugar High

**Hey, awesome readers! I know this is short, but I was surfing the internet very late last night and stumbled upon something and this just **_**had **_**to be written. The title is also very correct and very cliché.**

OMG! I'VE EATEN SOOOO MUCH SUGAR!!!!11111!!!!

Everyone was sitting in the kitchen, sitting and eating a celebratory meal of Cap n' Crunch. They were talking excitedly and making plans for what to do now that they could stop wallowing in misery. Maureen wanted to parade Angel around town in front of all their friends and she wanted to make at least one faint with shock, but everyone else just wanted to do all the stuff they had done before… which was… eat at the Life Café and drink a lot. Oh, and sing. They were just about to grab a third serving of cereal when there was a brilliant flash of light in the middle of the main room.

A tall, old man with very long hair appeared. He was wearing a tall hat that matched his bright, rainbow robes.

"Who are you?" the bohemians asked in unison. Many mouths were agape and some had milk dribbling from their lips. The man smiled warmly.

"I'm Albus Dumbledore." Everyone looked around at each other. None had heard of him.

"Uh… why are you here?" asked Mark.

"Didn't you hear? J.K. Rowling announced that I'm gay!" Suddenly, Angel jumped up.

"And honey, you look FABULOUS!"

Upbeat music began to play and everyone jumped up and began to dance, with Dumbledore in the lead. There were more flashes of light and other Harry Potter characters appeared (let's just say whoever your favorite characters are), joining in the dance. They all began to sing.

_To fagots, lezzies, dykes, cross-dressers, too!_

_To me! To me! To you, you, you, you, and you!_

_To people living with living with living with_

_Not dying from disease_

_Let he among us without sin_

_Be the first to condemn_

_HP Boheme!_

_HP Boheme!_

Angel, Dumbledore, and Mark stepped forward and began to sing

_To anyone out of the mainstream_

_Is anyone in the mainstream?_

_Anyone alive with a sex drive_

_Tear down the walls_

_Aren't we all?_

_The opposite of war isn't peace!_

Joanne and Hermione asked

"What is?" The three leads replied,

"It's creation!" Everyone cheered and echoed the chorus,

_HP Boheme! La Vie Boheme! _Then they all shouted,

"Viva La Vie Boheme!" There was a tapping sound from the floor below and the exasperated shouts of a very angry and grumpy woman.

"Stop all that witchcraft and flamboyant dancing or I'll call the cops!" The Harry Potter characters vanished in puffs of smoke as the bohemians waved farewell.

Tabitha woke up on the couch, breathing rapidly. Just how much Stoli had she drunk?


	10. Part 13

What Now?

Angel stayed at the loft. It was now very crowded, but the environment was much happier, even without Ikea furniture.

The group was sitting around in the kitchen area, delightedly gulping down large bowl-fuls of Cap'n Crunch and chatting like in the olden times. Mark was reading _The Village Voice._

"Ooh, pass me the comics, would you?" asked Toronto. He handed her the section and continued to read.

"Hmm." Mimi looked up from her cereal.

"What?" Everyone else turned to look at Mark as well. He cleared his throat and laid the paper on the table, pointing to an article.

"There've been a string of burglaries in our area. Five apartments have been hit so far and there hasn't been any evidence to catch the culprit or culprits."

"Senecca Jansen told me that her upstairs neighbor's apartment was robbed. They got the place badly, too; poor guy had barely anything left." The Bohemians shook their heads sadly. Angel stood up.

"We should all put together some of the stuff we don't use and give it to him! And we could make food, too!"

"Who of us can cook?" Mimi asked sarcastically. Angel frowned and looked at all of her friends. Mimi had a point: Angel was the only one of them who could make anything that didn't have instructions on the package. She looked at Toronto.

"I don't know you that well; what can you do?" Toronto looked at the floor bashfully.

"Well… I've only taken a few cooking classes. My father is a renowned chef, so he taught me some stuff. Nothing special."

"You never told me you could cook!" Mark exclaimed.

"All you eat is that cereal," Toronto said, gesturing to the red boxes on the table. She fiddled with the lace on her white blouse which contrasted with her tattered jeans and red sneakers. Mark shrugged.

"Well, come on then, we're cooking!" Angel dragged Toronto over to the kitchen and opened a cupboard. There was nothing in it except a half-used roll of paper towels. She opened another cupboard. Nothing. She opened the fridge. There was the Stoli Collins hadn't drunk yet. "Come on then!" she said, dragging Toronto towards the door, "We're shopping!"

0-0-0-0-0

Maureen and Joanne came to visit that day. Joanne looked exhausted and it was no wonder: Maureen was in a very bad mood.

"Did you _see_ the article in _The Village Voice_ today?" she hissed. Afraid to contradict her, everyone nodded. "A string of burglaries! And of course you know _why_ this is happening, don't you?" She seemed to perk up at the prospect of enlightening everyone.

"Because this is a bad neighborhood?" Roger asked.

"No," said Maureen, "It's the people who own these buildings." She glanced angrily at Benny.

"Hey," he said, "I don't own them anymore. Alison got them in the divorce." Maureen squinted her eyes, but continued.

"Anyways, the owners of the buildings don't provide their tenants with proper security measures or insurance policies."

"Well, it is only a step above a slum." Maureen glared at Mark.

"And you'll just take that lying down? No! This calls for a protest!" Everyone groaned, especially Benny and Joanne. The latter went over to Maureen and pulled on her shoulder.

"Please, no, Maureen; you're pregnant! And this is ridiculous!" Maureen sighed and turned to her partner.

"Joanne, you know that cute little pillow we put in one of the cribs that says 'Mamas' Boy?'" Joanne nodded, her eyes wide. "The Julesons were robbed but three days ago. Everything Toby and Wendell loved is gone. Do you want that to happen to the pillow? Joanne, think of the pillow!" Joanne looked as if she was about to burst into tears.

"F-for the pillow, then." She sank onto the couch, Maureen patting her back.

"As for the rest of you," the actress said, "Are you going to help?" Mark glanced at Roger, who glanced at Mimi, who glanced at Angel, who glanced at Collins, who glanced at Benny, who glanced at a poster of a tropical beach and wished he was there now.

"We'll help," Mimi said.

0-0-0-0-0

Organizing the protest wasn't as bad as they had thought. Scratch that. Toronto thought it was great fun. The rest were miserable.

"I did not get resurrected to do slave labor." Angel was dragging large sound equipment into the space. She waved at a group of homeless people who lived there.

"What's so bad? It's a good cause, right?" Tabitha, grunting, set down her end of a huge box when Mimi told her to do so.

"It's a great cause. Certainly I don't want The Loft robbed, but Maureen's protests can be…"

"Insane?" offered Roger. Mimi nodded and wiped a bit of dirt off of her boyfriend's face. Tabitha frowned. She still didn't understand why everyone was so anxious. Sure, they had to do a lot of grunt work and haul a bunch of equipment around, but they were doing it together, as friends, and working on a project with a large group of friends was something she had always dreamed of doing.

Then Maureen walked into The Space wearing a Santa Claus costume.

"Oh." Angel wrapped an arm around her slender cousin.

"Yeah." Maureen waddled over to a chair and sat down. Joanne sat alongside her.

"You! Morticia!" Tabitha stepped forward, berating herself for answering to that nickname. She wasn't even wearing black. The group hadn't even ever seen her wearing all black!

"What?"

"Fetch me and Mrs. Claus something to drink!" Tabitha turned to look at everyone else. They flitted their hands as if to say 'go on!' She left and returned with some lemonades from a cooler they had brought.

Mark looked once more at Maureen's clothes. He doubted that anyone had really taken their eyes off of her but for a few brief seconds while they set up equipment.

"Maureen… why are you wearing that?"

"Thieves are the opposite of Santa Claus: they take things with bad humor instead of giving with love, they make little children cry, um… they're not jolly…"

"And she's eight months pregnant," added Joanne. Maureen rolled her eyes.

"Ruin my concept, why don't you." Everyone laughed.

"Is that really how you're going to present your protest?" asked Roger.

"Oh, I have _everything _planned." She took a large swig of lemonade.

"But it's not even Halloween yet," said Mimi.

"I almost forgot about Halloween!" Everyone looked at Angel now. "It's my favorite holiday," she explained to Tabitha, who nodded excitedly.

"Mine, too." There were a lot of comments of 'I'll bet' and 'No duh' but Tabitha really didn't care. Was she about to get invited to her first Halloween party as an independent New Yorker? A party that didn't involve reading Edgar Allen Poe and drinking blood that was actually cranberry juice?

"We should have a party! You should come!" her cousin exclaimed.

Yes.

I frown, annoyed that all of my writing was short little segments. I type without much zeal, wondering how I can go on. I realize I'm writing from my perspective again. Oops.

0-0-0-0-0

It was autumn in New York City, center of the universe: cool, crisp autumn with its delicious air and pleasant aromas… if you were in the right part of the city. Still, the gang had plenty to be happy about. They had invited most of Avenue B to The Loft for their Halloween party, which would take place that night. Oh the delights of time skips in fiction.

The residents of The Loft- all seven of them- were setting everything up and decorating the main room. Tabitha would be over later because she had school that day but a free day the next day. She had been pretty good with her studies and her job. Her roommate wasn't even a problem after the incident with Angel. Tabitha had slept in her own bed every night and got all of her assignments in on time. It wasn't too difficult because she loved English and practically absorbed books.

"I don't want to jinx it, but… I'm so excited!" Mimi was dancing around the apartment in her slutty hippie costume. Roger, who had been forced into pirate togs by the aforementioned slutty hippie, was playing all of the Halloween-type songs he knew: Thriller, the monster mash, the time warp, and others.

"Well, it is our first Halloween with Angel back. Certainly better than last Halloween." Mimi smiled, walked over to Roger, and leaning over his guitar, kissed him on the lips.

"Of course it'll be better. No funeral! And no stupid arguments…" Roger kissed her this time.

"Definitely. No stupid arguments. Roger put down the Fender and pulled Mimi onto his lap.

"Hmm… maybe tonight we can make it at least fifty percent," she whispered.

"Sugars, we have to put food on that table." Angel had a firm tone, but she was smiling. Roger and Mimi grudgingly got off of the table and went to help Angel with setting out the food that wouldn't spoil. As Angel was putting out the tortilla chips, Collins walked over to her.

"It's like Hornaween in here, isn't it?" he asked, eyeing Mimi and Roger, who had begun to make out in the kitchen. Angel gave him an evil grin.

"You don't want to feel left out, do you?" Before Collins could answer, Angel was smothering him with kisses.

Mark, who had been watching this whole scene from the window at which he was hanging streamers, smiled. Toronto pulled on his tail. He was dressed like a dog.

"They're giving me ideas," she told him. Mark stepped off the ladder and grinned at his girlfriend.

"You, too?" He grabbed Toronto and attacked her mouth. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Benny entered from the bathroom.

"Dear God." He walked back in.

0-0-0-0-0

"Maureen!" Mimi kissed her friend on the cheek, noticing that Maureen playfully tried to slide her face further to catch her lips.

"Hey, you're a slut!" Mimi laughed.

"I love your costume, too." Maureen was dressed as a witch, complete with pointy, black hat. But she looked different than the average witch. Her pregnancy made it difficult for her to wear fancy shoes, so she wore black sneakers. That wasn't all. On her large, round belly were painted the words 'Son of a Witch.'

"It's a boy, then?"

"Call it mother's intuition, even though I really can't think of myself as a mother, but I can just tell, you know?" Mimi nodded. Joanne followed her into the room. Joanne and Maureen's costumes matched… sort of. Joanne was dressed in the most feminine outfit Mimi had ever seen her wear: a pink skirt and light pink t-shirt with shoes that matched Maureen's, only in pink. She even had pink ribbons in her curly hair. On her shirt were the words 'Mama's Little Girl.'

"Does that mean-"

"Call it mother's intuition." The two went to get some food. Mimi greeted some other guests that were walking up the stairs, including neighbors and some people from Life Support. Mrs. Dunbar was probably pissed as hell right now, knowing that everything she considered sinful was occurring above her head right now. She turned and saw Toronto in her dog costume explaining to some people that she and Mark were supposed to be puppy love. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the door to see Tabitha. It was hard to recognize the college student. She was wearing an elaborate, blue princess costume and her hair was in an updo with tendrils curled around her face.

"Yeah, scary, isn't it?" Mimi smiled and pointed to the food. Tabitha got some and walked over to Angel. She and Collins had decided to be matchey-matchey again: they were a decidedly non-sober version of Romeo and Juliet.

"Is everyone here?" Benny asked, holding a bowl of candy corn that he was passing out to the guests.

"Sally isn't here yet, but that's it."

"Then come join the frickin' party." Mimi followed Benny's advice and went over to the side of the room where Roger was playing his Fender guitar.

"This won't tune," he grunted.

"So I hear."

A sort of dance floor had been formed in the center of the room and a crowd of people was waiting for Roger to start playing something or for someone to give up and turn on a radio or stereo.

"Oh, Mimi, did you film?" Mark asked. Mimi rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Mark. I got footage of everyone entering the room." Roger's guitar hit the right note and he started into the Monster Mash. Everyone began to dance and quite a lot of them were singing.

"Who's got the booze?!" someone shouted. Everyone cheered and the Stoli was served. As time passed, the party-goers got more and more boisterous. No one was really worried about Mrs. Dunbar because she really couldn't call the police and get them all thrown out of the place. What was she doing living in the center of their Bohemia if she didn't like it?

But there was no need to think about such things. Angel snuggled up to Collins, Mark did the same with Toronto, likewise with the pregnant women, and Roger even put on a CD so he could dance with Mimi.

Toronto surveyed the scene. It was so cute, almost too cute.

"It's too cute, isn't it?" someone asked from behind her. She turned to find Benny, the group's former landlord.

"Oh hi, and yes." Tabitha didn't really know Benny that well. She knew him as 'the guy who missed old Bubbles.' She really hoped he wasn't familiar with the work of new Bubbles. It was weird to think of your cousin's friend knowing what you looked like naked.

"Want to dance?" he asked. Tabitha was sure her mouth dropped open or she had gone pale (or, at least, paler).

"W-what?"

"Do you want to dance? You know?" Benny swayed his hips as if to demonstrate what dancing was. Tabitha smiled.

"Sure." Benny took her hand and led her onto the dance floor. A cute ballad called 'You Haunt Me in My Dreams' was playing. It was a pop song, but it was vaguely Halloween-themed. Tabitha made a note to ask Roger to make her a mix sometime.

Tabitha had never danced with a man before… unless Bloodius doing the highly stupid and unrealistic 'dance to awaken the dead' while she was forced to dance along counted as dancing with a man. Dancing with Benny was different. She was surrounded by people she could truly call friends and even family, good music was playing, and she actually felt that her life might go somewhere. Her hands rested on Benny's shoulders. His hands were on her waist. They rocked with the slow music.

"Did you know this song was actually about a man planning to kill his wife?" Benny asked.

"Yes. I like watching people go all mushy over it." They smiled at each other.


End file.
